Practicing Awareness of Microaggressions

Describe at least one example of a microaggression which you detected this week or remember from another time. In what context did the microaggression happen? 

This week, I was standing in line at a Starbucks and I overheard the following conversation between the employee and the customer, both females: 

Employee: "Did you want me to fill that up more?"

Customer: "No it's fine"

Employee: "OK, I just didn't want you you to think that I was trying to gyp you."

Later, while sitting at a table studying, at the same Starbucks, a young black man sat down at the table next to me.  I noticed that when the man sat down, the two female customers at the table on the other side of him leaned away from him and looked very uncomfortable.

What did you think and feel when you observed the microaggression or when you found yourself as the target of a microaggression?

Both of these microaggressions surprised me and I felt rather shocked when it happened.  The main reason that it surprised me was because all of the women were young, probably in their early 20's.  Unfortunately, I was exposed to racism and gender bias from a very young age because of my grandfather and great-grandfather.  For this reason, I was not expecting them to be so young.

In what ways did your observation experiences this week affect your perception of the effects of discrimination, prejudice, and/or stereotypes on people.

Before this week, I was not aware of microaggressions.  I have heard many racist and sexist comments in my life but I did not realize that we can unintentionally communicate hidden messages that "reflect a world view that is one of inferiority/superiority, inclusion/exclusion or in some sense reflect an oppressive belief" (Laureate Education, 2011).

Laureate Education, Inc. (Producer). (2011). Microaggressions in everyday life [DVD]. Baltimore, MD: Author.

My Family Culture

Imagine the following:

A major catastrophe has almost completely devastated the infrastructure of your country. You are told that your host country’s culture is completely different from your own, and that you might have to stay there permanently. You are further told that, in addition to one change of clothes, you can only take 3 small items with you.  You decide to take three items that you hold dear and that represent your family culture.

The first item that I would choose to take with me would be my great-grandmothers ring.  My mother gave me this ring on my 18^th birthday.  This item is important to me because my mother, my grandmother, and my great-grandmother all wore it before me.  The second item that I would choose to take with me would be my box of family photographs.  I would choose these photographs because they represent my life and because it contains pictures of those that I have loved and lost over the years.  The third item that I would choose to take with me would be my box of Christmas ornaments.  My grandmother began a tradition with her first grandchild in which she would buy a Christmas ornament for each of her grandchildren.  Additionally, my mother also gave an ornament to me and my sister.  Each ornament has the year written on it and I can remember receiving most of them.  Unfortunately, my grandmother passed away suddenly several years ago but my mother continues the tradition to this day.  If, upon arrival, I was told that I could only keep one of these items, I would be devastated because they represent my family.  It would be very difficult to choose to give up any of these items but if I had to choose one item to keep, I would choose my box of photographs because they represent my entire family.

This assignment made me realize how important these particular items are to me.  It also made me realize how fortunate I am to have not experienced such a devastating event.  Finally, it made me realize how devastating this experience must be for refugees.

Week 6: Adjourning

Several years ago, before I finished my undergraduate degree, I worked at an elementary school as an instructional aide.  I worked in the after-school program with four other aides and we all became very close.  We worked very well together and we were a “high performing group” dedicated to helping the students in the program.  I worked there for four years until I finished my degree and I was offered a teaching position at another school. 

 This group was difficult for me to leave because we became “a very close knit group” and there was a “sadness at separating and moving on” (Abudi, 2010).  Additionally, after working together for so long we had developed norms or “recurring patterns of behavior or thinking that come to be accepted as the ‘usual’ way of doing things” (O'- Hair & Wiemann, 2012).  However, adjourning is an essential stage of teamwork, when the team makes it to that stage, because it provides a sense of closure. 

The closing rituals that I have personally experienced after working with a team or on a group project have included: celebrating by going out for lunch or dinner, saying thank-you, and saying goodbye but keeping in touch with my group or team members.  As for my colleagues in this program, they have varied from course to course.  However, I have appreciated their willingness to share their personal experiences and their feedback.

Abudi, G. (2010). The five stages of team development: A case study. Retrieved from http://www.projectsmart.co.uk/the-five-stages-of-team-development-a-case-study.html

O'- Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

Week 5

Think about any disagreements, or conflicts, you have recently experienced or are currently experiencing at work with a supervisor or colleague, or someone in your personal life.  Share at least 2 strategies you have learned about that might help you manage or resolve the conflict more productively, and why these strategies might be effective.  Could you use some of the principles of nonviolent communication or the 3 R's to better help you resolve this conflict?

For the past few weeks, my husband and I have not been communicating well.  We are not disagreeing or having any major conflicts, just bickering a lot.  After reading about nonviolent communication, I realized that learning to communicate in this way could help us avoid the bickering.  According to the process of nonviolent communication, there are four components that we should use whether we are the speaker or listening: observing, feeling, needs, and requests.  Unfortunately, I think that I have a tendency to make an observation and jump to making a request without communicating my feelings or needs.  For this reason, the strategies that I need to use to improve my communication are expressing my feelings and my needs.  For example, after explaining what I am observing, I should express "how [I am] feeling in relation to what [I am] observing" (Rosenberg, 2003).  The next strategy that I should use is to communicate "the needs, values, desires, ect. that are creating [those] feelings" (Rosenberg, 2003).  

Rosenberg, M. B. (2003). Chapter one: Giving from the heart, the heart of nonviolent communication. In Nonviolent communication: A language of compassion. Retrieved from http://cnvc.org/Training/nvc-chapter-1

Week 4

For our assignment this week, I had to complete three evaluations which assessed my communication skills in the following areas: communication anxiety, verbal aggressiveness, and listening style. Next, I had to choose two people to use the same evaluations to evaluate my communication skills so I chose my husband and a friend and former co-worker, Sandra.  I received the following scores:

Communication Anxiety: 60, 64, 44
Verbal Aggressiveness: 62, 55, 64
Listening Style: Group 1 (all 3)

In the areas of verbal aggressiveness, the results of all three of the evaluations were the same: moderate and people-oriented.  The only thing that surprised me the most was that my listening style "can interfere with proper judgement because you tend to be very trusting of others" (Rubin et al., 2009).  I would not describe myself as a trusting person, at least not in my personal life.  Unfortunately, experience has taught me that very few people are trustworthy.

The first insight that I gained was that my communication anxiety varies depending on the situation.  For example, Sandra evaluated me as "mild" whereas the results for the evaluations conducted by my husband and I resulted in "elevated".  I have noticed that my communication style differs greatly when I am in a professional setting.  I have always had anxiety when I have had to speak publicly in a large group. However, early in my career, I noticed that when I am speaking to children or colleagues, my anxiety is greatly diminished.

The second insight that I gained from the evaluations is that my perception of my communication skills are pretty accurate.  I also found that the perceptions of my communication skills with others are what I expected them to be.

References

Rubin, R. B., Palmgreen, P., & Sypher, H. E. (Eds.) (2009). Communication research measures: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge.

Rubin, R. B., Rubin, A. M., Graham, E. E., Perse, E. M., & Seibold, D. R. (Eds.) (2009). Communication research measures II: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge.

Week 3

Do you find yourself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures?  If yes, in what ways do you communicate differently?

I don’t think that I communicate differently with people from other cultures.  However, I do communicate differently with people from different groups.  I think that a lot of it has to do with my relationship to them.  For instance, I communicate differently with parents and co-workers than I do with my friends and family.

Based on what you learned this week, share at least three strategies you could use to help you communicate more effectively with the people or groups you have identified.

The first strategy that I could use to help me communicate with people from different groups or cultures is to “develop appropriate knowledge” (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011, p. 104).  I need to learn more about the cultures that I work with in order to communicate more effectively.  The second strategy that I could use is to understand cultures differences.  For example, I was raised to be independent but some cultures teach their children to be interdependent (Gonzalez-Mena, 2010).  The last strategy that I could use to communicate more effectively is to be mindful when I am communicating with someone from a culture different from my own.  In order to do this, I need to “acknowledge that there is a connection between thoughts and deeds when you interact with a person from a background different from [my] own” (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011, p. 108).

Resources

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

Gonzalez-Mena, J. (2010). 50 strategies for communicating and working with diverse families. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.

Week 2

For this assignment, I watched the reality television show, “Toddlers and Tiaras”.  I have never watched this show but I have seen a few commercials in the past.  This episode followed three girls, Rebecca (6 years), Meaghan (9 years), and Ava (2 years), all competing in the “Universal Royalty National Pageant” in Austin, Texas.  Additionally, the competition also includes a competition for adult women and all three of the mothers, Stacey, Phyllis, and Tanya, are also competing.

While watching the show on mute, I was able get the basic information, such as names, ages, locations, and parents’ names from the subtitles.  Based on the number of trophies, ribbons, sashes, and medals each girl has, they all appear to have experience competing in pageants.  The first contestant, Rebecca, is coached by her mother, Stacey, who appears to be serious but also friendly.  The second contestant, Meaghan, is also coached by her mother, Phyllis, who appears to be very serious and competitive.  I am assuming that she is competitive based on all of the coaching that she does while Meaghan is practicing.  The last girl, Ava, is coached by her father, David and her mother, Tanya, plays more of a supporting role.  David teaches Ava her routine, does her makeup and hair, and sews her costumes.  When the trophies are given out, all of the girls get different trophies and all of the parents, except for David, appear to be happy.  Without the sound on, it is difficult for me to understand why he appears to be so upset.  All of the parents appear to have good relationships with their daughters.  However, the relationship between Meaghan and Phyllis seems to be really competitive.  I was not able to detect any conflicts between the characters based on their non-verbal communication.  Except for David, I found it extremely difficult to try to read the feelings of the other cast members, based on their behavior, because they all just seem to smile a lot.

While watching with the sound on, I was not surprised that the assumptions that I made based on their non-verbal communication were mostly correct.  However, I do have to admit that I had preconceived notions about “pageant mothers” that were not correct.  I was expecting all of the mothers to be extremely competitive and for them to all be pushing their daughters really hard.  I had also assumed that all of the mothers would be former competitors but it was not mentioned and Phyllis was the only mother that appeared to be serious about their own competitions.  I do think that if I had watched this show in the past, my assumptions would have been more accurate.  Additionally, if I had been watching a show that I watch regularly, with characters that I already know about, my assumptions would have been based on the knowledge that I already have of those particular characters.