Think about
any disagreements, or conflicts, you have recently experienced or are currently
experiencing at work with a supervisor or colleague, or someone in your
personal life. Share at least 2
strategies you have learned about that might help you manage or resolve the
conflict more productively, and why these strategies might be effective. Could you use some of the principles of
nonviolent communication or the 3 R's to better help you resolve this conflict?
For the past few weeks, my husband and I have not been communicating well. We are not disagreeing or having any major conflicts, just bickering a lot. After reading about nonviolent communication, I realized that learning to communicate in this way could help us avoid the bickering. According to the process of nonviolent communication, there are four components that we should use whether we are the speaker or listening: observing, feeling, needs, and requests. Unfortunately, I think that I have a tendency to make an observation and jump to making a request without communicating my feelings or needs. For this reason, the strategies that I need to use to improve my communication are expressing my feelings and my needs. For example, after explaining what I am observing, I should express "how [I am] feeling in relation to what [I am] observing" (Rosenberg, 2003). The next strategy that I should use is to communicate "the needs, values, desires, ect. that are creating [those] feelings" (Rosenberg, 2003).
Rosenberg, M. B. (2003). Chapter one: Giving from the heart, the heart of nonviolent communication. In Nonviolent communication: A language of compassion. Retrieved from http://cnvc.org/Training/nvc-chapter-1
Sounds like we are having similar issues. It is frustrating when you get to a point where no matter what you say, it just makes things worse. I actually woke up in the middle of the night last night an re-read Chapter 8 in O'hair & Wiemann hoping for some help. I am trying to recognize the ways I use unproductive communication like being passive aggressive or expecting him to read my mind, then being mad when he doesn't understand my feelings, or using escapist strategies where I just give in even though I'm not happy about it.
ReplyDeleteAlicia,
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. The other day I actually bought Marshall Rosenberg's most recent book about NVC. It's called "Living Nonviolent Communication: Practical Tools to Connect and Communicate Skillfully in Every Situation". I just started reading it but I have found it to be much easier to understand than the website.
Melissa
Melissa,
ReplyDeleteI have moments where it's hard for me to express my feelings and needs and that's something that I need to work on as well. You have a great post and I hope that you and your husband communication gets better.
Jasmyn
Melissa,
ReplyDeleteHave you tried any of these skills in the recent days? If so, how did it work out? I am finding that the new strategies I am using are working out pretty well and I am relived to have found some strategies that are finally working!
Tara
I think it is a female trait to make a request without explaining the underlying feelings or needs that drive the request. We as women are often so busy we just try to get things marked off of the "todo" list that we forget that others may not understand our needs behind the request.
ReplyDelete~Lora
Melissa,
ReplyDeleteIt really becomes such an issue when we do not share our feelings and be honest about our needs. The communication process becomes strainous and sometimes just not that enjoyable. Sometimes we assume that others should know how we are feeling but that is not the case. Communicating our needs is so important as it eliminates assuptions.
I like your strategies.